What about us?

What about us?

What about all the broken happy ever afters?

What about us?

What about all the plans that ended in disaster?

What about love? What about trust?

What about us?

I thought I was in a good place with NASA. Our breakup was difficult but I was grieving it and focusing on me. Then we had lunch for my birthday. Hearing him struggle with it messed with my head. I heard so much sadness in his voice saying how much he missed me. So much yearning in wanting to see me and talk to me. Saying how he wishes he had been there for different things that I’ve done in the past few weeks. His voice cracked trying to avoiding crying at one point.

This has messed me up. Friends don’t feel this way about one another. My anxiety has gone back up. Does he want to try to be serious? Is he reconsidering breaking up? Just like that I’m a hot mess again.

Then this past Saturday was my birthday party. He tried to make it, but his attempts to get someone to watch his kids were unsuccessful. He was apologetic. He opened up a smudge about conflict between him and his ex. Since then it’s been a text or two here and there.

Talked about it in therapy. Realized he’s not being fair. I put myself out there. He’s scared and now he’s…second guessing things? Holding on? I’m not sure but we’re meeting up in a few days for lunch and there will be an all or nothing conversation. I want to be with him. I know it’ll be hard with everything each of us had going on but I can’t do this anymore. He needs to be all in or I’m all out. I need someone to choose me all of me.


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