I have been doing a lot of complaining and being bitter and my humor can be quite dark and sardonic. I want to let go of the underlying anger that goes with my bitterness. However I’ve been trying to get there without putting a big fake smile pretending it’s okay when it’s not.
The first major thing that’s been happening is kids getting sick on Wednesday. Every. Damn. Wednesday. Why was I so angry about this? Because Mr Lemon has the kids every Monday and Tuesday and I get them Wednesday. This means that every week for 8 weeks they’ve gone with their dad in relatively good health. Then when I get custody of them they are puking, or have a fever, and unable to go to school/daycare. You probably get where I’m going with this. I had to take off work or scramble to get someone to watch said sick kid. I’m self employed. Why can’t Mr Lemon take care of shit for once? It’s now affecting my financial situation. There was one day he literally dropped little man at day and they were calling me to pick up not even an hour later with a 102* fever. Ugh!
Then it dawned on me that Wednesday is my lightest day. I typically have 1-3 clients just because of how my schedule has worked out. So Wednesday is the ideal day for my kids to get sick. Furthermore, if I was going to have anyone be with my sick kids I’d prefer it to be me. There was once little miss was sick with her dad and she called crying hysterically just wanting to be with me, wishing her dad and I weren’t divorced so she didn’t have to separate from me. Now when my kids are sick on Wednesdays I have that opportunity.
Another burden is needing to refinance my mortgage as terms of the divorce. I started the process in May of last year. I closed in September after many many delays. Then a day later the title company decided to not fund the mortgage because I was self employed. I was pissed and anxious. I needed to get the house refinanced with no acceptable income.
Well nearly 7 months later I just refinanced. It wasn’t the same great interest rate but I am getting a small sum of money back from the escroll account. I had to have my dad cosign on the refinance which has brought us closer.
A final burden is single mom dating a single dad. It’s nothing like dating as a single person. NASA is so incredibly busy with kids and getting his PhD that I see him about every other week. Sometimes we don’t hear from each other for a day or two. However the blessing in that is I’m still getting the space to focus on healing myself. I’m working on my triggers and not putting the responsibility on him. I have a lot of shit from my marriage and even more from my childhood that is my responsibility to heal.
So really in every situation there is an opportunity for a blessing. Everything has a happy ending. If it’s not happy then it’s not the end. I think on Facebook I’m going to do a 100 day challenge. ‘What burden was I able to get the opportunity to turn it into a blessing’ for 100 days I’ll post it. See what opportunities and blessing I find in my life.