I don’t miss it at all…

In an online group someone asked the question what do you not miss about your ex spouse. There are many things that I don’t miss about Mr. Lemon such as the arguments, crying myself to sleep, being the primary breadwinner and caregiver. However, there is one thing that stands far and away the thing that I don’t miss. I don’t miss Mr. Lemon’s health problems. I was constantly in fear of him going into the hospital, or being sick, or worse dying. He never took responsibility for his Crohn’s disease. 

I was always told that I was the “mean bitch” for wanting him to make healthier choices. The thing is he doesn’t make good choices for a healthy person. For a person who has a chronic autoimmune disease his lifestyle is atrocious. I was horrible for wanting him to try diet and other changes. Yet when I had to watch him wither away in the hospital numerous times, when I literally saved his life in 2008, when I cried myself to sleep with worry and gained 15 lbs stress eating that was no big deal. 

I rarely got support when he was in the hospital. I never got a thank you for supportive him and staying with him through everything. Actually I did get a thank you a month or two ago when I pointed it out. The worst part was the lack of support while feeling scared and alone. I didn’t even realize how much it affected me until recently when Mr. Lemon was in the hospital and I wasn’t burdened with fear and sadness. Little miss needed an MRI to rule out medical issues and the guy I’m dating was there to support me. A complete 180* from what I’m used to. It’s a nice change that helps me realize that there are many, many things about Mr. Lemon I don’t miss at all. 

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