The responsible one

i have always been the responsible one. Even when I was a child I remember taking care of others before I took care of myself. My first memory is comforting my older brother who was crying hysterically because we were in foster care. I was three years old. The funny thing is that I don’t remember most of my child. Literally years are gone to me but I can remember the shitty moments like being in foster care or my mom dragging us to DV shelters.

Then I get into a marriage where I again have to keep shit together. I was so angry for so long that this added weight was on my shoulders. I was parenting my husband. He didn’t know how to be an adult on the same level I did. I probably took it out on him when I shouldn’t. I should have walked away when his behavior wasn’t up to my standards. I thought he didn’t but one day he would.

Now I’m a single mom to two amazing but rambunctious little kiddos. I’m still the responsible one. I’m the one putting them to be most of the time. I’m the one taking days off work for sick kids or scrambling to find someone to watch them in days off. Tonight little miss has a 103 fever. Douchecanoe aka whore fucker is out with whore. He called kiddos from his date. How great for him. He gets to go out and be Scott free while I’m stuck at home with a sick kid. It must be great to be the fun parent. I will get past this. My kids will know who the can trust and rely on. Who is there for them. I will be the responsible one for my kids and myself but no one else. No more taking care of other people. Taking care of others doesn’t help with sparkles. It actually kills sparkles. #SparklePlan

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