Vomiting Hate

Two weeks ago I suddenly got sick. Really sick. I don’t think I can ever remember being sick. I don’t like being sick but DESPISE throwing up. Two weeks ago I was throwing up and I felt so awful that I was welcoming it. My stomach was churning. My throat burned. My head was dizzy and spinning. Besides worrying about my kiddos, all I could think was that I need to get this hate out of me. I’ve been trying to work through my anger at Mr Lemon and Potato Face and let it go. It has only been so effective. I feel like I’ll let go of one thing and two more things that I am angry about come up. I still have SO much pain and hurt from their actions. I still see SO much pain and hurt that they have inflicted on the kids. I was feeling like I had a shitty husband and now I’m stuck with a shitty ex-husband. That’s how I WAS feeling. When I felt like I was vomiting the hate out of me, I felt like I was sick because of all the hate inside of me. The hate I chose to hold onto. I had to let it go. It was physically, emotionally and spiritually hurting me or making me sick. So I’ve been letting go over and over again. Something will remind me of something that will anger me and I have to let it go. Over and over again I have to let it go. Let go of the hate. Heal my life (and my stomach)!

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