To my future and forever husband

imageDear future husband,

It’s Father’s Day and I wanted to write to you because I know you’re out there. I know you’re out there somewhere because I’ve prayed for you for a long time. My ex wasn’t the guy I prayed for. He provided the lessons I needed to learn so that I could be ready and right for you. He didn’t ignite my soul the way you will. He never felt like home. Future husband I am working so much on becoming a better person. Working on healing myself from infidelity and divorce and working to include joy into my life. I want to be a healthy, happy person because that is what I want our relationship to be: happy and healthy. I want to freely choose to be with you. Every. Single. Day.

FH I don’t know if you have kids already or not, but I’m a mom I come with two kiddos. God knows they can be difficult, especially Little Miss. She’s got the sass of her mom, but both kids have the biggest hearts. Their love and hugs and laughter will have to be earned, but once you’ll know joy like you’ve never known before. I promise to always include you in the parenting decisions. You decided to love me and my kids and I won’t treat you like a step-dad. I will treat you like a dad. Maybe we’ll have a kid or two together if you don’t have kiddos of your own. I hope you’ll treat your “bio” kids the way you treat your “step” kids.

FH I will love you so deeply and fiercely. The downfall of my marriage has taught me to appreciate something before you lose it, more so. I hope you can love me fiercely too. After being in an unhappy relationship for 8 years, I need to be held and cuddled. I also need your patience because I know I will have moments of being insecure. I am working on that too. I know that since it has taken us so long to find each other you have had your share of heart ache too. I wish I could have been there to hug you and kiss you every time you had your heart broken. I wish we could have found each other sooner, but maybe we wouldn’t have been right for each other. Maybe we had to go through shit to find something this beautiful.  That’s what I keep telling myself so I don’t become engulfed with bitterness. I am grateful for my ex’s infidelity because I get to start over after breaking down. I am finally working through a lot of pain from my childhood. I don’t want you to be mad at my ex or want to beat him up for cheating on me and hurting me. Be glad he did because now you get to love me and get to receive my love! What a wonderful gift that is!

FH I hope you’re working too. I need you to be healthy and happy. I’m a strong women who doesn’t *need* a man but when I’m with you I will *want* to be with you more than anything. I will work my ass for us and our family. I did it tirelessly in my first marriage and it destroyed me. Now I’m full of hope for all the things that can come with our love. You weren’t part of my beginning but I hope we find each other so we can have a middle and an end. I don’t just want you to be part of my end.

Patiently waiting….

Me

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