16 weeks crash and burn

imageSo technically yesterday was 16 weeks but I’ve been exhausted and stressed out with life. Needed to blog and vent. This week has been especially hard with my wedding anniversary and trying to get divorce finalized and my grandma living with my aunt as she can’t live by herself and work stress and dating stress. It was like everything hit me like a Mack truck all at once.

Let me back up. So I talked about my anniversary already.  It hit me a lot harder than I thought. Plus I’m hoping that my ex and I can agree on a divorce judgement avoid mediation (save a few hundred bucks) and get this divorce finalized. I’m constantly checking my email hoping for an update that the agreement is ready for sending to Kevin and his lawyer. I want this to be finalized and done  I want closure. I want things to be settled for me and my kiddos.

Next my grandma who is more like a mom to me than my mother has been sick and in and out of the hospital. On Wednesday my aunt informed several of via text that my grandma is now living in Indiana with my aunts family. Three hours away. Six hours round trip. At work, I do therapy intakes. Every single intake was a kid having various problems with their parents divorce or separation. Every. Single. Intake. I kept seeing my kids in these clients faces. The curse of being a parent and clinician.

Needless to say I’m having an excruciatingly hard week is an understatement. I realized I was having a hard time focusing on myself and my healing. So last night when Sparky did something that had nothing to do with me. I ended up being an emotional mess last night. I got drunk off straight Malibu and crying hysterically. It was therapeutic but still a hot mess.

Today I renew my resolve to focus on myself. Focus on my healing. Focus on my life. Focus on my sparkles. No more distraction by guys. No more avoidance. No more denial. More gentleness with myself. More authenticity. More to come in tomorrow’s post

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