Burdens to blessings

Infedelity is shit. I have the burden of recovering and healing, but I wasn’t the one who cheated. I am the one with the painful memories. I have the sleepless nights with horrifying nightmares. I am the one with the shattered heart.

I know that part of my healing is to try to look at things in a new way; to turn painful memories into blessings in disguise; to take the dark cloud hanging over my head  and look for that silver lining. Luckily for me and my kids, this is one of the things that I am great at doing. I have overcome so much in my life that it’s almost like second nature for me to take lemons and turn them into lemon merengue pie.

One of my biggest fears about this upcoming year is all the trauma anniversaries that I will have to face. The day I found out it was an emotional fair. The day I found out it was a physical affair. The  day my ex supposedly broke up with his mistress. My son’s first birthday party. Going to visit my best friend and now knowing that the affair went on in our family home that weekend. Ending my marriage right before Christmas because my ex couldn’t stop being a whore.

I’m already starting to see the blessings in disguise though. On New Year’s Eve I got to spend the night with my kids and some of my amazing friends with a fresh new start. I haven’t been a toxic relationship at all in 2016  I was finally able to stand up for myself and fight for myself again, instead of a crappy marriage

Last year on February 13 my ex and I took a couple’s lap dance class together. One of the few things we did last year that we both were able to relax and have fun at.  This year I am doing a 1 mile fun run with Sparky in our underwear.  It’s a legitimate race not just running around in her underwear. More importantly it’s going to be a new memory. A fun event that will help me remember at Valentine’s Day weekend in a different way.

My divorce is supposed to be finalized on or before May 2 which is right before Mother’s Day. I will be free completely from that toxic relationship almost a year to the day that I suspected my ex was having an emotional affair. It seems almost every day a new blessing comes along or another burden is put to rest. I can’t wait to see what else life has in store for me.

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